And you say marriages are made in Heaven...!

pic courtesy Gunjan Choudhary

TAGGED

This would rate as the first tag that I have been coaxed into accepting ..( sorry to the others who have unsuccessfully attempted to do so in the past).It helps I have my personal reasons too, If i may add as an afternote..

Among the MULTIPLE thoughts that are zooming through my mind hoping to access the control cluster that would command me to put them into words and then instruct the dendrons in my nerve endings to relay the information to my fingers who would subsequently type them out to onto the laptop and appear finally on the blog. First let me describe to you the tag.

"write 10 things u hate about the opposite sex"

In other words.. "10 things I hate about Girls"

I would probably be crucified.. With special note to the circumstances surrounding me lately, I think this could be the worst topic I could have been tagged to write about.But still I will try to do as much justice as I can, to this topic.

So ... Here goes nothing..
Ok first I'll try listing them in points format then maybe try explaining them.

1. Make-up
2. Driving
3. Passion for cleanliness and order
4. Constant demand for attention
5. Commitment to "Committment"
6. Not understanding that guys need their own space
7. "Girlishness" and all "girly things"
8. Blah blah .. shut up will ya ..!!
9. Their ability to get away with everything .. alright alright I lose; just please don't start weeping again
10. Free entry at the best disc in town


I'll first start with a brief Introduction of the target group and what I feel about them.

Girls born in the Femina era.. ones who like to go out and do something for themselves. Ones who preach about feminism and the wrong that the patriarchal society of the world has done against them and how they wish to rebel against the seemingly idiotical ideology that has been propagated since time eternity about an attempt by the male species to suppress women to the point of their becoming cowed housewives.
Hmm... Interesting theory ...I have just one word for you ...Bullshit .. !!!!
The very women fighting for equality are busy petitioning for reservations. They call it woman "empowerment", I call it a feeble attempt at salvaging lost pride. They know that despite their trying their level best to compete on fair grounds they have been unable to match the pace of their male counterparts (The some who have risen to great hieghts.. my unwavering respect to them, they spoke more with their actions than some others amongst them and I applaud them for that).

And as you may all know by now that the above was pfaff ...!!

Now for the detailed description of the 10 points listed above.

1. Every human is special and should learn to respect himself and others for what they are.. or so I was taught in my morals science classes in school. But everytime I see a girl walking down the road.. seldom without makeup I do feel my learnings in school have been naught. Why can't girls accept that they are who they are. Why do they have to go about prancing in the confines of the makeup cocoons hoping a prince charming mistakes her fer someone else and comes galloping on a porsche to save her. Why can't she just be natural and wait for whoever her real prince charming is going to be. Maybe he might not come exactly galloping .. more trudging along on a maruti esteem but what the heck, he will definately make it up with his love.

2. If I get elected to be the next prime minister, the first thing I'll do is cancel all the driving licences of the girls of today. There was a time when motorbikes use to whiz past you on the road and the first words were "you rowdy boys"... times have changed, seemingly the next time you have a near accident experience while driving or walking on the road, chances are that you'll spell out the slang connotation of a female dog. Frankly speaking I have nothing against them personally, on second thoughts I do. With half a dozen near accident experiences and 2 dents later I thought I was being singled out , seemingly most guys I talked with thought so too. Seems its a pretty common phenomenon.

3.Have you ever heard the phrase "boys will be boys" .. chances are you have, and if you are a guy chances are you will have been reprimanded for being a boy by a girl you know. I can understand a degree of cleanliness. But you seriously overdo it. Label the jars, the dirty clothes in one corner the not so dirty in another. The shelf has a section for books, a section are magazines and another for newsletters. The front half of the drawer can have the toiletries while the back half can have the used cloth and toothpicks and the likes. Excuse me, get a life..! We are guys.. we love diorder and chaos in our life and is best reflected in how we keep our rooms. we have a better chance of locaitng things in our mess than your ordered and disciplined beautification. It would be highly appreciated if the next time you meet or visit our rooms, you do not comment of the state of disarray and how feng shui's book says that a messy drawer leads to disruption of energy flow and hence a stagnation in our thought process.

4.How do I look tonight? Am I getting a little fat? Does this outfit do my hips justice? Is this shoe colour matching with my hairpin . For God's sakes, you know our answers are only going to cause heartbreaks and even if they by a miraculous act of God don't, then also our words are not going to shake your beliefs on the same. So why waste your time and our energy on something thats futile. But aah.. it is not futile is it. You did succeed in drawing our attention to yourself be it even for the most brifest of moments. And if the outfit succeeds in keeping our eyes on you for a moment longer, then you know you've won the first round. But We ask you, why the drive for attention. Heck you already have our "undivided" attention. We can't dare to look at another girl without you giving us a sharp look or a nasty bit of sarcasm which noone would have thought you capable of. Please please understand...you do not really have to try so hard to catch our attention. Just holler..!!

5.The sentence every guy in a "relationship" dreads is "where is this relationship going?" and the obvious answer which the girl expects is every guys worst nightmare "commitment". Commitment is the single most dreaded word for a guy in the entire english language, you know why? It take away his freedom to be "one of the guys" and that is the single most important setback which he dreads. You move on from being one of the guys to being a "honey" , a "coochiecoo" or maybe perhaps even "cheekoo or papita" . Darling to a certain extent has romantic connotations to it and so may be accepted, but obviously only in privacy. But we are deviating. If you are so intelligent, we do you not understand that there is no way a guy can smoothly venture onto the rough seas of commitment. The news has to be broken slowly and gently and perhaps given time to sink in and adminstered with a high dose of whatever pleases him.

6.I don't think I need to quite elaborate on it at all... EOM

7.There is a boyishness, there is a girlishness and there is manliness. All guys want to be manly, some girls like a bit of boyishness in guys. But take the words I am saying as gospel .. "Guys are not interested in anything thats remotely girly..!!" Girl talk is significantly different from how guys talk and have discussions. Girls have "different needs" to discuss than guys and it is not even the least interesting to hear why champa broke up with raja or why you think parineeta is a b***h because she happened to buy the same outfit as you and wore it before you did. I say it for the last time, If you do not understand politics or the basics of soccer, fine its not such a big deal, but please don't try to make up for lost conversations by talking about stuff like that. We appreciate your "emotions" and "feelings" and hey..." its not as if we don't have any" Its just that we chose a different style and channel to communicate and the baseline is girly talk can make even the most rugged of men squirm in his seat.

8. Why do girls have to chatter so much. I mean gossiping is ok, but how much. I mean how can you make up so much about such few people and still talk for such a long time ? Yapp yapp yapp...! If only there was a remote .. It would be lapped up by guys all over the planet. The most successful invention ever!! We are not discounting the time when you do have something worthwhile to say. Yeah you do .. but thats so rare that we think it best not to even count it in our calculations. We do appreciate your venting out feelings (and we do know you have huge repositories of them) but thats only sometimes. the rest of the time, it is quite easy to call your bluff, but we generally play along because we do not wish to hurt your feelings. Now that its in the open.. will you please keep our feelings in mind too ..??

9. In the filmfare awards, I think the most worthless of all awards in the best actress award. Did I say worthless, sorry I should say useless. This is because there is no such thing as a "best" actress. Given a stage and a role to enact any girl can give each other a run for their money. Its as if they are endowed with the instinctive sense of acting right from birth and with us guys it seems that their skills exponentially increase. In case of any sign of a trouble brewing, the instinctive reaction is to let out a few emotionally tintillating phrases which we call "sentis", if they don't seem to work (if the guy is a veteran) then they let loose a barrage of tears. Its as if a dam was opened, after a long time and a good monsoon. buckets after buckets keep emptying until we say the magic lines, "I am sorry" .. exactly .. " you know rahul, you had really hurt me, how could you even think of accusing me of this, you know naa how much I love you and want the best for you, and still you make me cry..." flashback.. she had thrown away the marlyn monroe poster I had got for my 16th birthday, and had instead put a jigsaw puzzle type collage of us together on the wall .. theres more ... that was for sorry .. if the response would have been "what can I do to make it up to you.." bingo..!! tears dry up, face lights up and boom comes the answer.. " you know Its not the gift but your heartfelt apology that has convinced me .. (yeah right.. out with it fast ..) but ..(theres always the but) I really want the ___ , ravinder got it for parminder and she keeps showing it to everyone, don't you love me enought to get me one.. blah blah blah .. ok ok ..happy now ..??

10.Last but not the least. In this era of the widening gap between the haves and the have nots.. those who "have" the entry (with a lady partner by his side and plenty of cash in his pockets) to the best disc in town .. and people like me, almost all the time cash strapped and just managing to save up for a special date and then seeing it all disappear in the hands of the big burly guy at the disc entry, the "have nots". It is very irritating to see unescorted single girls passing a smile to the burly ugly gatekeeper who checks with the guest list and miraculously always finds their names on the list and lets them pass, while we are left on the outside contemplating how to magically double up our allownaces to make it enough for us to make that one visit from time to time ..

And btw .. to a certain someone in answer to a certain something written in their post... All guys do not "check out girls from top to bottom" in the coffee shop they happen to be in . They arn't that vella, they do have other things to do .. !!


Btw .. to all the girls who were disappointed .. maybe they expected worse .. sorry had to tone down a bit .. !!

To all the girls who felt I was biased and mean and rude .. well as I said above .. I could have been worse..!!!

Neways .. Lifes not a one way highway .. there's always a stream of cars coming from the other side. If you didn't get the metaphor it means that there is a good side to girls too..!! (shocking but true ..)

Girls can be very endearing and caring WHEN they wish to be .. (when being a very important word in this sentence)
They do provide a different and unique viewpoint to many discussions, a ladies point of view is highly regarded in some domains.
They do have an extraordinary intutive power to them, its as if they can sense danger.. again .. frightening .. but true..!
They are highly creative.
Last but not the least, I do believe that they do complete us guys in a way. They can not be more different than us in their ways yet somehow our existence without them would have no relevance .. (I know I know .. can't help it ..!! The poet in me rises once in a while and shows his ugly hood in the form of the ruiningly intense positivity and romanticism )

Just a reminder.. I had been tagged by Veens .. !! so you know who made me write such a post .. just in case you plan on giving a supari or something ..!!

I managed to stumble upon this cool article.. thought it would be worthwhile to share it..

Color Pencils Reviewed

Today I acquired a set of color pencil devices. You can get them in certain specialized shops. Note the device color range greatly varies by manufacturer; mine wasn’t even in the 6 bit range, producing only up to 24 colors when displayed. Invitations are not required for usage of color pencils though the service is paid only, with unfortunately no trial period.

Usage

Preparing the color pencil device for usage is relatively straightforward. As shown in the photo, you will have to open the lid of the metal box using your right or left hand. This installation however was completely undocumented, which may leave non power users confused. What’s more, reading the sparse documentation on the backside of the metal box after you set up the pencils for usage requires you to turn around the box – which will make the color pencils fall out of their box onto the floor or table.

How do you use the device? To select a color, you need to compare the color preview printed outside the edges of the specific pencil. The color is also printed on the tip of each pencil, a nice addition. You will then press the pencil onto the display paper, which you will be able to locate inside your printer.

Tip: During testing, directly selecting a pencil was buggy; as a workaround, apply pressure to the pencil tip first.

If you don’t have a printer, you may need to acquire paper. Look for the word “paper” outside the packaging. There is no manufacturer lock-in, so you can buy paper from different companies.
Caution: if you apply too much pressure onto the paper, your device may break.

What can these pencil devices be used for? The manual does not mention most use cases, but as usual, you will find more information online. The following use cases are supported:

• Drawing of vector graphics (arrows, boxes, circles)
• Using various fonts in different sizes
• Reproduction of your environment in certain limited contexts

You will notice several obvious features missing from the list. For instance, color pencil devices do not come with a clip arts library of any sorts. On the upside, the color pens do have a full support for advanced international character sets; this allowed me to enter Chinese characters as well. It is rare for devices today – including your average keyboard – to handle these characters with such ease.

The different fonts however, like Arial or Times New Roman, came out rather quirky, as the photo illustrates. Vector graphic quality was leaving a lot to be desired as well; lines were often not straight, aligned, or perfectly round as known from other utilities.

Which brings us to the third core feature of this tool: reproduction of the environment. When I asked the merchant in the shop about the missing clip arts library, he replied “What?” in disbelief. Only after a long discussion it became clear that the kind of clip arts or photographs you can include fully depend on your mastering of the device. This could take “years,” as the clerk told me. If I had to point out a single most crucial usability issue with color pencils, it would be this.

Comparing the output from different devices. To the left is the original Garfield. In the middle, the disappointingly crude output of the color pencils. To the right side is something a Google search brought up in seconds; while in lower resolution, the colors and expression are a much closer fit.

Issue: shrinking device size

The base size of color pens is slightly larger than a cordless mouse. However, after some usage of the device, it automatically shrinks in size; color pens are now much shorter than the mouse, as the following comparison shows:

While the color pens do not require an internal battery or USB connection as the cordless mouse does, this shrinking in size greatly shortens the life-time of the device. It also introduces a dependency to a “pencil sharpener” device, sold separately, which needs to be applied to the color pencil device tip around once a day.

Advanced features

However, there are admittedly some neat features coming with color pencil devices which are not found in many of today’s tools:

• Mix and mash: as shown in above photo, you can combine several colors by holding multiple pens.
• Sharing: You can give any of the several color pencils to your friends, with no further licensing requirements. When I asked the seller to confirm this, he said “Huh, yeah?!” – I take that as yes.
• Paper display transport: You can fold any paper into little paper balls and throw them across the room to send someone else your custom message. While receiving the message is instantly for the other party, your friends need to be in close vicinity (think wifi).

Disappointingly, the football theme of the so-called pencil sharpener cannot be customized.

The Pencil Grip is a third-party add-on. Interesting: it can be used both with the left as well as the right hand, as the backside of the package explains. Note while the Pencil Grip is blue, it works with pencils of any color (e.g. a blue grip with a green pencil results in green; this is true for both left and right hand usage).

An undocumented use: if you cut up the device you can create a colored rectangle shape.

All in all, usability shortcomings aside, color pencils are quite flexible in their handling. The output process is fun once you got the hang of it. I would not recommend you give up your mouse, keyboard or iPod just yet, but you might want to give this tool a test ride one of these days.

Color Pencils Reviewed by Philipp Lenssen (http://blogoscoped.com/archive/2008-02-11-n78.html)

Games Games Games...

Behind every successful(or ruined) Engineer and MBA is a highly addictive online flash game ..

I've listed below 5 of the most addictive flash games I've encountered.

I'm sure some, if not most of you might have atleast played one of them. If not what are you waiting for ..!!! click.. play and enjoy ..!!!

Listing in no particular order

n - simply n
 
Desktop tower defense
 
Yetisports
 
Bejeweled
 
Chingam

The world listeneth when I speaketh ..

The never ending rows of bobbing heads popping a look towards their leader, in the hope of the briefest of recognition, of the tiniest twinkle of the eye or the the most subtle of looks in their direction, which may give their existence some meaning. Something that would propell them above their ranks, something that would make their grovelling in the dirt as lowly creatures, a more task oriented job towards a certain goal, rather than a meaningful rut of nonsensical monotony. To lend a bit of colour to the dull banks of the colourless regime. To be aware of existence, where "to be" was in fact the most obvious notion and an accepted fact, of life as a concept.

What you've just read is in simple terms what we like to refer to in extremely technical bullshit as "pfaff" . Yes you've heard me right, pfaff. Now now don't confuse it with the biological equivalent of a chaff, or something to do with crap. Pfaff in its own entirety is highly capable of transcending barriers of words, languages and cultures. Infact it is so overtly wholly encompassing that it could be said to be a superset of language as a whole. Because regardless of what language you speak right or understand, pfaff is ubiquitous in its presence.
What is pfaff is perhaps the best question to be asked at this point of time and is a question which I'll try to answer to the best of my abilities given my respect for the chosen profession.

Pfaff is an instinctive reaction to a series of longitudinal words across various verticals and which has the capacity to bend words as well as mindspace to its will resulting in a nearly incomprehensible but surprisingly seemingly sensible crap... This is the most technical definition I could muster given my newness to this esteemed profession of pfaffing and my obvious lack of experience in the field. In layman's term pfaff is .. well pfaff. There is no dictionary meaning that could be used to satisfy each one of you readers minds as to what pfaff really is.

In India specifically, go to any MBA college in the country and the first word you will encounter is pfaff. The beauty of the concept is that once you come to know what pfaff is, you can relate virtually any thing and everything to pfaff and to top it all, justify it with more pfaff. Pfaff becomes your bane, your weapon of mass destruction and your saviour in all walks of life. Regardless of what we've learnt so far in our two year MBA course, I would rate pfaff as one of the most significant learnings that I will take away and which I am sure will help me in my search for eternal glory.

You know there were times when I could not think of words to fill up my sentences, there were times when I was dumbstruck by a sudden turn of events or the appearance of a divine being, or sometimes simply caught unawares. In all of the above situations where the name of the game is to think on your feet, to invent something out of necessity and resources as usual are sparse, the only thing which can save you is pfaff. You can, with practise ofcourse, pfaff your way out of any situation however difficult or mind numbing it is. Pfaff as I mentioned, though inborn (only a minority of you are capable of being world class pfaffers), can be imbibed and learnt to a certain extent, but has to be continuously practised to achieve a certain degree of mastery and more so for the "not-so-gifted" ones.

I think it is a long enough post to get you up and thinking of ways in which pfaff has helped you in some way or the other in different walks of your life. Do send in your experiences with pfaff in the comments section. And if you are new, confused and distressed, kindly drop by, I will trymy best to prescribe you a pfaff routine which best suits your mental infrastructure, which would perhaps lend you a certain solace in your life.

Pfaff rocks ... and so do I ..

Keep pfaffing for a healthy and a better quality of Life.


p.s. All the above was infact a demonstration of how a seemingly inconsequential 5 letter word can be pfaffed about to cover an entire post. Three cheers for pfaff and pfaffers...!!

I was born Intelligent .. "shcool" education ruined me ..!!

ANY QUESTIONS ??

What if Life could be lived again .. differently..!

How different can you imagine it to be ? some changes here and there, a decision gone bad .. change.. married the wrong girl .. change .. took the wrong career decision... change.. and so on ..
But what if the changes you make .. on reflection seem to be worse than the original decisions. Because Life is a zero sum problem, if you win someone else has to lose and to be stable it will try its best to nullify the change you sought to make. Now .. supposing theres an element of truth to the above, don't you think that any change you make.. you will never be sure of its outcome, because the moment a change is made, there are changes made elsewhere and the scenario we thought about would never come.
But that's all me..

So Mr. critic, you ask me , what do you have in mind ...? Do you at all have a way life could be lived again if not the way we want to ?

Well, I have thought about it .. and thought about it again .. and decided ... I would like to live my life backwards..

Backwards ..? well by backwards I mean really backwards .. Say we were to start our life from Death. By starting out with death, we would get it out of the way, no more fear of dying with every passing day. Todays scene shows a trend towards shoving our beloved oldies out of the home to an old age home. But I'll take the case of a typical Indian family where the aged is the one most respected. But a thing to note here is that beyond a age a person is mostly ignored, left to himself and has probably no company except his grandchildren. from death we would leap directly to this phase.. imagine starting off your life with your grandkids as admirers and with every passing day feeling healthier and healthier. With every passing year getting more and more respect in the house and begining to have a say in everything. The best part is that you either have a lot of money already in your bank, or you have your pension. Then you reach your prime, where you are the most respected person in the house, everything is done according to your wishes and bored at home you are ready to join a company. On the first day of your job, everyone in the job gives you a standing ovation, has a party in your name and are given a gold watch (say). You work for say 40 years and with every passing year the responsibilities on your shoulders decreasing steadily. At the end of your 40 years of hard work, its finally time to enjoy your retirement. You cna drink alcohol, party all night and at your age even flirt with the young hotties at the bar or the college canteen. Now its finally time to join school. you go through school, reach primary school you become a kid, you play whole days , you have no responsibilities. You become a baby, and then.......... you spend the last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then,finally, you finish off as an orgasm.
Beat that...!!

Can you think of a better life to relive .. than this .. I sure cannot ..!!

GENOCIDE

With the V day nearing, I thought this post would be very apt for some people, specially girls, as you will find later.

All men are pigs...

Before you start pointing fingers and accusing me of betraying my kind.. this is a standard comment made by girls all over the world, NOT me ..! But now its been so overused a comment that guys take it for granted that they would be referred to as one. But that is not the point we will be discussing. Not so long back, they were two kinds of guys. The guys who were pigs and the "nice guys". Well not much has been written about the nice guys except that everyone knows that they finish last and that would be the end of it. But off late their disappearance rate which has eclipsed that of even the most endangered of animals, has raised concerns over a world without them. As much as we would like to argue, they form an integral component of the deciding balance in the world. They help bring stability to the extreme and chaotic world. Why, you ask, well read on ...

See, for most of you reading this, you might have just witnessed or perhaps completely missed the era of the nice guys. They were everywhere and in huge numbers. But as time went on, and they kept on losing out to the "cool" guys. they thought it was high time they change. Suppose you were a girl in the nice guys era. Remember how a shy, platonic guy would tag along everywhere you went. Opened doors, give gifts, remember anniversaries, be there as a shoulder to cry upon after a fight with your boyfriend, ready to listen how men were all pigs, inspite his being one.
Remember how you would talk with your girlfriends what a moron he was. Sweet but dumb. How, maybe he was doing this because he had a crush on you. how he tagged along everywhere like a puppy dog, trying to do things to attract attention. You would all joke around and have a laugh at his expense. Maybe your girlfriends would tease you with him and you being you would have vehemently protested against any kind of feelings for him. Saying he was not your type. Heck even convincing yourself that it was so.
As time passed, you would engage in a serious relationship, leaving no time and space for him.He would then understand and phase himself out of your life.

Years later after many a broken relationship you might ask the question, "what happened to the nice guys?"
I say, "you did"

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Suppose you were a guy, say a "cool" guy. You used to see that shy, dumb guy presumably harmless, hanging around your girl. You would talk to your girl and ask her why she let the guy hang around her, and she would reply that he was too sweet to let go and did stuff you wouldn't. To vent out your frustration you would chide him, bully him and try to disgrace him every time you saw him, make fun of the clothes he wore, the way he walked and so on. But he would just smile back and you would feel even more angry and frustrated because there was nothing you could do. Ultimately you convinced your girlfriend to choose between the two of you, and he had to go. Some time later your girl left you for a "cooler" guy and you felt let down and cheated.

You asked yourself whatever happened to the nice guys?
I say "you did"

You tormented him, you disgraced him yet he always greeted you with a smile. He sought to tell you that the word cool was in effect relative. It was because of normal, "nice" guys like him that you were "cool" and different.

So now if you cry now and ask your self how to redeem the situation, well theres quite no way except making a time machine and going back in time. Its high time to understand that its a couple of years too late. You didn't want him back then and he sure as hell doesn't want you back now!!

Authored by an undercover "nice guy"