ReDmpTiON spEaKs ...

The C Phobia...

Disclaimer: This article is not meant for hard core commitment fanatics nor for the big brawned males who think it might be an insult to their masculinity or for that matter anyone who can cause me any kind of hurt should this not appeal to their (limited) mental capabilities.

I start this article by saying that whoever associated the term “commitment phobia” with guys ( I am assuming it was guy because in the good old days there were only a limited number of women studying beyond high school... and who did go beyond that to do their phd would refrain from writing such a statement to avoid getting their grants cut off by the male dominated grant boards) was the biggest loser. It has led to one of the biggest stereotyping exercise this world has ever known; the stereotyping of men with commitment phobia. If Men have this so called “phenomenon” of commitment phobia... then what do you call the women who perpetually change their minds about men at the last stage of the commitment.. saying “ ... but all men are jerks”. But I understand that this article is not meant to be a revelation about the girls having commitment problems too; they are blissfully enjoying their ignorance and it is only fair to let them.

Onto the problem affecting men in particular and mankind as a whole...A recent study has revealed that all men were not made that way.. That is, GOD didn’t intend to make men commitment phobic, it is an anomaly of the gene structure that leads to such a condition and as it is an anomaly... Not all people have the problem.. But we will delve into the “not all” problem later. The study by Karolinska Institute shows that a gene variant can lead to the above mentioned phenomenon. But then as with all conditions/phenomenon known to man, this too has various reasons associated with it. It is not just the gene variant that causes it (obviously, you wouldn’t be satisfied with such a simple answer would you.. everything has to have a complex solution or atleast a complicated reason behind it, doesn’t it ??)

In the article that follows I will be revealing what goes inside a guy’s brain, why he behaves like he does, why he is what he is...

Disclaimer: This study has “NOT” involved live subjects for experiment purposes so the various acts against cruelty towards animals cannot be applied here.
Caution: This article is supposed to represent all guys alive or dead in totality. Anyone in disagreement with the same should go and have their gender rechecked.

Why are we... What we are..?
It is an interesting question because it deals with what we could have become if we wern’t and what we should be in the event a change is possible. The possible reason of our being what we are is because the other half of the society being what it is; the other half of the society being the “fairer” sex. Why should they be called the fairer sex? Do we assume that every guy is atleast a shade darker than the least fair girl alive? Do we presume ourselves to be devoid or if not devoid have a depleted supply of the fairness genome?
BBC news says that women have more cells in the brain and are actually smarter considering the smaller size of brain that they have. So do we now leave all the “smart” work to the women and take on the daily chores?
Women, since time immemorial, have tried to create a mysterious aura around them. To make men feel helpless when it comes to deducing what their actions, subtle hints, or for that matter their sentences (or in some cases just words) mean! I mean, there must’ve been atleast a zillion articles written on how men find it utterly impossible to understand women. Women seem to revel in the fact that most men squirm in their seats trying to deduce what must be the thoughts going on in the women sitting next to him, should I go for the kiss or not, should I ask her out or not, should I agree with her when she says that the food was good or say her cooking is better etc.. Every subtle eyelash movement is crucial, every flitting glance, every nose twitch or cough. A moments attention loss can cost the poor guy atleast a month of despair.. not that he always succeeds even with the best detective skills. Might be one reason why Sherlock Holmes was always shown without a girl companion or even a love interest. Girls were one mystery that perhaps even he couldn’t solve.
What is common to all of the above examples? They are all examples of society trying to demean men; trying to create a sort of superiority complex for the females. Why should guys be forced to answer in front of a society which is continuously plotting against them, to a question that is set to question his personal beliefs? But I will answer it for the benefit of the few somebody’s who wish to sit and listen and perhaps even analyse what it is that is plaguing the world to cause it to have such a screwed up relationship lifetime. Why is it that the most committed of people end up running away as soon as their commitment gets a name?

Let us try to think of it from a male perspective, why does the average rahul get relationship jitters, when his girlfriend ask him to get married... or if it is too advanced; when his “close” friend wants to go to the next level.

There is a very simple answer to the above, freedom. Yes this one word is one of the prime reasons why men get the jelly legs. Just think of a world where guys are bound by imaginary chains, have blinders placed on the sides of their faces, have a radar on their head to warn of approaching females with an automatic lock down on brain activity for the time when the female is within the prescribed danger threshold radius, a self injective sedative capsule attached to his neck to administer as soon as the heartbeats grow stronger on smelling the pheromones given out by the opposite sex. Maybe even a password enabled lock down, you know where, to ensure that even if all the above force fields are violated, there would be a last line of defence to protect “their” males from provocative advances from the morally loose members of their sex. This is what the general perception of commitment is; c considering that the girl becomes overpossesive after the relationship gets a name, that every girl that the poor guy talks with, is a potential boyfriend snatcher. Every female acquaintance, more so the good looking ones become off limits even for friendly chats. The high level of insecurity which most girls bring to the table along with the commitment status becomes unnerving for the strongest of hearts. Add on it the pester power that girls in general seem to have. Pester power refers to the ability of a person to manipulate the other person in question by repeated pestering i.e. banter regarding a particular topic, which ultimately the other person has to give in to what can only be described as “peace of mind”. Previously the term was associated with children, off late with women (either married or girlfriends... in other words committed)

Lets jump to another prime reason, which will be explained soon. Think about a situation where you get school without the clause of giving exams to goto the next class. Does it beat the concept of schooling? You still goto the school to learn, you still “study” the same subjects. What changes is the formality of passing the exam. Does failing a subject in any way prove that the student is incapable of studying? It just shows that the student does not have the natural aptitude or the interest for the concerned subject and as we are not given the option of choosing our subjects, the compulsion of exams and the subsequent passing in them should not be necessary criteria of judgement. Relate this example to the concept of relationships. Is it not possible to have relationships without the tag of a commitment attached to it? Is it not possible to do away with formalities that will only end up in tying ourselves in unnecessary obligations? Does not being called a girlfriend in anyway reduce the quality of time spent with the concerned person? Does looking at other people of the opposite sex on the way home in anyway affect your affections for the committed someone waiting for you there? Does every person need to be subjected to the morally demeaning act of being flaunted as an art piece to whomsoever who has the time to listen as one’s committed other? I sure as hell wouldn’t. And for all the above reason we guys run away from the word commitment. You seek attention; we will give you all that we can. You ask for affection, we will unload our entire heart on a plate and gift it to you. You wish to be the only female we interact with... I say dream on... Cmon people, we are guys; we were made to be this way. We revel in voyeuristic pleasures. We like to gawk like wolves with our jaw hanging and tongue drooling at the sight of a gorgeous female (Its true.. don’t deny it ..) but then don’t you girls do the same? But if we point it out to you, we are being over possessive and unnecessarily jealous, while the females are just keeping us in check. Why are the rules so different and terminologies made to suit females? How is it a fair game in which we are supposed to follow each rule to the book? I say first make the rules fairer for both, then we will take a step forward.

Lastly we come to the most inconsequential but perhaps the most underrated reason on the male phobia for commitments. It is the fear of not living upto the hype. Women usually complain that men when trying to woo her were much more loving, much more enthusiastic etc than after being committed. It should be made clear here that for humans since the beginning, the chase has been more important than the kill. The chase sequence is always the most interesting part of a thriller. In a hunt, the chase part is always the most exciting part, the tiger/deer after it has been hunted down and clicked a photo with, is either left to rot, or taken home to serve as a wall adornment, subjected to a mere glance at the most at a later date. Similarly a female and now many males are sadly regarded as conquests. Making a girlfriend is more of a hunt session, complete with the chase sequence (wooing period) and when the poor creature is trapped, enmeshed in the unreal ropes of false hopes, the hunter goes for the kill and claims the prize as his own, after which the prize is left to its own, or just given formality glances and pleasing noises to keep it at bay. It is sad but true and both sexes are affected by it, so no one gender can be blamed for the phenomenon. Though it is practised by a very small number of the concerned gender it is noticed by a lot larger number. This leads to a lingering doubt at the back of one’s head which stops him/her from walking the last mile.

Life is not about commitments and relationships being given a name, it’s about actually living them. The realities are much different than we imagine and it is for that very reason that it’s best that a concept like live in relationships replace the quick divorce and multiple relationships era that our generation is known for. We can and we will overcome, but for it to happen the society as we know it today will have to undergo many fundamental changes. Major upheavals which may shake the foundation of many a concept that we are used to taking for granted. The world will yet see a time when one will have to open the pages of this blog from a cached version of this site on a google server to read about the concept of commitment phobia as it existed in 2008.It will take time and sacrifices but it will happen, it has to happen.